what do you want me to do for you?

Wouldn't it be nice to hear those words coming from the mouth of God? As the end of the first quarter looms less than a week away I'm realizing all the things I need to do; my church history paper, my board of trustees report, a trip to harrisburg for the consecration of our new diocesan bishop, my church history exam, my systematic theology paper, etc. Lots and lots of things to do and enough stress to keep them from getting done.

"What do you want me to do for you?" God has already done one thing, my systematic paper got pushed back by a week. I'd love it if God would go ahead and write the papers for me. But I know this is not what God has in mind when he asks questions like these.

"What do you want me to do for you?" God wants me to be reconciled; to him and to humanity. God wants me to be healed; from illness and from sin. God wants me to want these things. When God asks this question in the person of Jesus Christ he is saying, "What can I do for you to bring you into relationship with me?" Mearly in the answering of the question we succeed in the call. To answer, like Bartimaeus, "let me see again" is to say "I believe you can make me well." Believing in the power of God to restore health, to restore right relationships, to restore us to wholeness is to have faith. See, its not us asking "What can I do to have faith?" No, its Jesus asking us "What can I do for you, so that your faith my be restored?" If our hearts have been opened, we can answer this question. If our hearts remain hard, then we walk away still blind, still sick, still in broken relationships.

What do you want Jesus to do for you?

God and the future

What follows is a more theological rambling than usual. While I don't normally get comments on my writings, this is something I am struggling to comprehend, so please, if you have a thought, pass it along.

The LORD saw it, and it displeased him

that there was no justice.

He saw that there was no one,

and was appalled that there was no one to intervene;

The Isaiah reading for Proper 25b brought forth the above passage in light of a conversation I had with a friend at seminary just the other day. This friend was laughing at the fact that he was considered by some to be a heretic, but those who called him such couldn't figure out what exactly about his theology was heretical. He shared with me two points that ususally lead to contention; 1) God does not know the future and 2) God exists within time. As we were walking to class at the time we didn't have much opportunity to flesh out what he meant by those two things, but we at least began to discuss point one.

His assumption that God does not know the future goes as follows. The future is not a thing. God does not know things that do not exist,for example, my twin brother George, since I have no twin brother. Therefore God does not know the future. I got him to admit two points; 1) God knows all possibilities of the future based on the freewill actions and decisions of human beings and 2) God is a pretty good guesser of what action humankind will take as he is vey much in tune with the human condition (see the Incarnation).

The passage I pulled from Isaiah seems to give some credence to my friends position. God is displeased by his people upon seeing their actions - he is not displeased prior. God is appalled that he can find no one to intervene - God must seek someone, He does not already know who will intercede. This has interesting ramifications on God the Son being made incarnate, i.e. was it the plan from before time? did God the Son have another option? does God even know when God the Son will return?

As will all theological suppositions this carries a ton of unintended consequences. If you see any please let me know. Also, I hope to discuss more about God existing within/outside of time witht this friend, but I think that may be where we find him to be "heretical".

a different focus

This morning I couldn't help but notice how the story of blind Bartimaeus (25b) is almost the exact opposite story of the young rich man (23b). While the confident young man boasted of the laws he had kept since his youth, Bartimaeus calls only for mercy. While the young man wants to know what he can do to inherit eternal life, Bartimaeus knows only to call upon Jesus. While the young man goes away shocked and grieving, Bartimaeus regains his sight and follows Jesus.

How often have I had the focus of the young rich man. "Look at me! Look, I left a coushy job and came to seminary God. I'm a good person. What else can I do for you God?" It is in these times that I forget just who got me here. If it weren't for God's grace in the midst of my own poor discernment I would have never brought so low as to only know to call upon Jesus. I would have never met my wife. I would have never received my call.

How often have I had the focus of blind Bartimaeus. "Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!" Not often enough I'm afraid. But, over the past two years the words of Bartimaeus have begun to invade my heart. The Jesus Prayer "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner" have sustained me in times of frustration, times of exhaustion, and times of spiritual dryness. How often have I had the focus of blind Bartimaues? Hopefully a little more every day.

Seeking light...growling like a bear

Therefore justice is far from us,
and righteousness does not reach us;
we wait for light, and lo! there is darkness;
and for brightness, but we walk in gloom.
We grope like the blind along a wall,
groping like those who have no eyes;
we stumble at noon as in the twilight,
among the vigorous as though we were dead.
We all growl like bears;
like doves we moan mournfully.
We wait for justice, but there is none;
for salvation, but it is far from us.
For our transgressions before you are many,
and our sins testify against us.
Our transgressions indeed are with us,
and we know our iniquities:
transgressing, and denying the LORD,
and turning away from following our God,

Isaiah snagged me this morning. I nodded while reading Hebrews and thought there is a lot of the Blind Man in me as I read Mark. Yet what leapt of the page (or the screen) was Isaiah. It is no wonder that Paul loved Isaiah for Isaiah so easily lends it self to seeing Christ among his pages.

Therefore justice is far from us,
and righteousness does not reach us;
we wait for light, and lo! there is darkness;
and for brightness, but we walk in gloom.

I have been wrestling this past semester with my own form of Pelegianism. No I'm not an official heretic proclaiming as Pelagius did that "human beings are able to achieve their salvation by their own powers." I am conscious of the fact that my strength came in defeat. I am conscious of the fact that when I could not...He could. But how often in the midst of knowledge do I revert back to handling my life? How often in the midst of the everyday do I revert to the practice of simply making it by effort? My mouth may proclaim "Christ, Christ" but my actions reveal a Christ who looks conspicuously like myself.

And here is Isaiah proclaiming that the people are waiting. They too are unable to approach Justice. They too are unable to make righteousness. They grope along the wall like the blind man in Mark. They growl like bears unable to remove from the world one once of sin.

Do we not in this church tend to collectively believe (at least a little bit) that it is our responsibility to make justice, end poverty, fight for freedom? Is there not a collective understanding that we are able to pull that off, that we are wise enough, rich enough, righteous enough that God has chosen us to figure it out? Do we, like I know I do, proclaim "Christ, Christ" revealing a church wedded to a salvic image that looks like it self?

Unlike Isaiah we do not need to wait. The light has entered the world. Our righteousness and our Justice will always come up tainted...corrupted. Yet the Light has entered the world. The candle holds back darkness. There is One who has taken transgression and sin, darkness and despair, and transformed them. That light points us back and throws a great light on our struggles. "Dear brother" he says "mine is enough." If we are to have any hope of bringing justice, peace, mercy to the world it is not enough to say "we can do it because he did it" If we are going to have any success we must surrender to that great light realizing that we are able only after surrendering to the fact that He continues to do so.

like one who needs milk

I'm really resonating with the letter to the Hebrews today - but not the way the author intended, I'm sure. Diving into the readings for Proper 25b I'm really left feeling lost. This spiritual discipline is intended to create a life lived in the word, so that it exists so deeply within me that the word and my life cannot be torn apart. But today, today I feel like I can't find a place for these readings. Blindness and sin and evil and death pervade these texts so profoundly I can't seem to get past my own blindness.

And so, today I feel like those poor Christians to whom the letter to the Hebrews was written. By this time I ought to be a teacher, hell I'm in my third year of seminary, but today I need someone to teach me again the basic elements of the oracles of God. When I should be eating the solid food of Proper 25b, I am left nursing the milk set aside for the unskilled.

But maybe that's ok. Maybe we all have those days where we're just too tired or too stressed or too whatever to have the scales of humanity removed from our eyes. Maybe today I am called to take confidence in my salvation and trust that tomorrow (or some other day in the future) I will have my sight restored. "For God is not unust; he will not overlook your work..." So I keep at it. I'll try again tomorrow hoping to realize the full assurance of God's gift of sight.