a tough passage

The Old Testament option for Easter 4 is a toughy. Moses, who God kept alive by the deception of an Egyptian princess. Moses, the man who was chosen by God at the burning bush. Moses, the man who fought with Pharaoh. Moses, who brought God's chosen people out of bondage, hears what I can only assume is a bitter and devastating word; he will not enter into the promised land that is just over the next mountain.

As we all struggle with the deep frailty of humanity and strain to see where God might be in the midst of tragedy it is really hard for me to read this passage from Numbers. I want my God to be warm and fuzzy. I want my God to do things my way. I want Moses to see the land of milk and honey just like I want a world without evil. Yet that's not the way things go. God's justice is beyond human comprehension. The Promised Land of Canaan is but a boil in comparison to the glory of the heavenly domain of God. People are subject to all sorts of illness; physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. These illness cause pain, this pain causes depression and anger, this anger can lead to unspeakable acts against other human beings and we don't know why; we can't fathom why. So, like Moses, we offer prayer. Moses wanted a leader for the people because he knew left to their own devices they'd surely be destroyed. We too pray for a leader, for God, to hold tight families torn by violence. We pray for God, our leader, to heal the injured. We pray for God, our leader, to deal with justice and mercy to the perpetrators of these awful acts just as we pray that he'd deal justly and with mercy with us.

Its tough to wrap my mind around God. Hell, its impossible. Which makes it clear to me that I can't offer answers to these tough questions of life. All I can do is offer prayer and a listening ear when these situations arise. Anything else would be presumptuous. Anything else would be to take the place of God in the world, and that need not be done thanks to the risen Lord, Jesus Christ our savior and redeemer.

to hear the voice of the LORD

Over the years I have been called by many labels; conservative, liberal, angry, sunshiny, sarcastic, presbyterian, and on, and on. Aside from the ridiculous label I have fixed upon myself, my favorite label used to describe me is charismatic. I don't like it because it means people will like me and find me personable. Instead I like it because it means that I have the Spirit within me.

Of all the possible gifts of he Spirit, the charism I wish I had a little better grasp on was discernment. I wish, like the collect for Easter 4 says, "that when we hear his voice we may know him who calls us each by name, and follow where he leads." But I don't. Its hard to know who's voice I hear. Is it my own will? Is it my desire to be comfortable? Is it the devil whispering over my shoulder? Or is it actually the will of God?

Discernment is a Spiritual gift that I seek in others. If I'm going to fail at discernment, I better have someone near by who can smack me across the back of the head and shout, "listen up!" Otherwise, I'm apt to go astray, to follow too much the devices and desires of my own heart, to turn my back on God.

As Christians, we naturally count ourselves among the disciples of Jesus. In so doing, we make a claim that we, as Jesus' sheep "hear his voice. He knows us, and we follow him." Oh if it were only that easy.