so very thirsty

Psalm 32:3

While I held my tongue, my bones withered away, *
because of my groaning all day long.

4

For your hand was heavy upon me day and night; *
my moisture was dried up as in the heat of summer.

5

Then I acknowledged my sin to you, *
and did not conceal my guilt.

6

I said," I will confess my transgressions to the LORD." *
Then you forgave me the guilt of my sin.

As one comes to a crossroads in life, it isn't uncommon to look back on the years and reflect. I have found myself doing that as SMW (I've decided to use the blogger thing and not refer to my wife by her name anymore, but rather an ancronym. She will heretofore be known as Smokin' Hot Wife, a name she will hate, but meh, she doesn't read this anyway)... as SMW and I prepare to leave Alexandria to find a new home and a new ministry.

Reading the Psalm for Lent 4c gave me pause today as I was forced to look back at the peaks and valleys of my spiritual life over the years. I have spent many a year feeling like the Psalmist, "withering away" and "dried up as in heat in summer." The spiritual life is one that is often hard to attend to. It is usually the first thing to go away when the calendar crunches and time seems to grow short. It is usually the first thing to go away when things are going smoothly. In some cases, it may even go away when times get tough. The spiritual life takes time and energy and often feels like it is a waste, there is no tangible results to show. This is a pitfall for many in ministry; the demands of a parish are such that they don't want to pay you to take care of your spiritual life, they pay you to take care of them.

The Psalm, however is clear. Without prayer comes death. With prayer comes life. It is something that requires intention and a clarity of purpose, but it is something that none of us can afford to forget.

ah the prodigal son

Such a rich passage. It seems like it is always right on the preaching horizon; something that must always be reckoned with. As a kid in Sunday School we always talked about the repentance of the younger son or the mercy of the Father, but more and more these days, I hear people talking about the hard heart of the elder son.

I guess it is because we don't like untidy endings to things that we teach our kids only part of the story. But it seems appropriate to be uncomfortable from time to time. I am uncomfortable with the elder son because I see a lot of me in him. I want to define the terms of just about everything, and often I end up bitter because life has not worked out according to my plans. "I have worked so hard, why does x get such and such?" It is a commonality to humanity, I believe, one that Jesus was keenly aware of as he told this parable. Be it the scribes and pharisees looking down on the sinners and tax collectors or Jesus' own disciples arguing over the seats at his right and left hand, we all have our expectations. We all assume God's will, God's justice is as we define it. What is so very clear in this parable, however, is that God's will and God's justice are God's and God's alone. We can work to bring our will close to that of the Father, but it is only by grace that we are made whole, perfected in the will of the Father. 'Til then, I'll be with you all, fighting for my method of justice to be lived out, sometimes pouting outside of the party because things didn't go my way. If you see me there, remind me of this story, and invite me to turn around and receive the grace that God gives all those who truly turn to him.

my first memorized bible verse

Came from the epistle for Lent 4c. "If anyone is in Christ, there is a new creation: everything old has passed away; see, everything has become new!" It was a part of the InterVarsity (I think) bible memorization series. My Young Life leader gave it to me, and I really wanted to learn the verses. "The only way to have scripture on your heart is to memorize it." Yeah, I let him down, though he was an amazing accountability partner. Anyway, I've found a new way to place scripture on my heart (see nearly all previous blog posts).

Still, I really like this verse. It is still sort of a mantra for me as I work as a radical centrist on a ministry of reconciliation within the church. We are all new creations, each being made new every minute by the sanctification of the Holy Spirit. Paul doesn't say we are made perfect, just new. We are still sinners; personally and corporately. As new creations, constantly being made new, we should see the sin being removed within our self as we, in humility, call our brothers and sisters to accountability for their transgressions. To do so, requires that we remain in conversation. To be new creations, one with another, learning from what the Spirit is doing in our brother and sister that might help us along our journey; personally and corporately, so that we once again might be made new in Christ.