Xianity is the only major religion...

With a living leader/founder/guru/god. Have you heard this apologetic argument? I have heard it often, and, not needing much in the way of apologetics myself anymore, find it interesting, but by no means a key selling point. Then again, I'm 2000 years removed from the whole thing and don't know Jesus as a living breathing man here on earth. I do know him, and the whole of the Trinity, as alive and well in my reading of Scripture, in my prayer, and in my life.

What I do find interesting about the whole ascension thing is a funny turn of phrase by Jesus as he prepares his followers for a second departure. "Now I am going to him who sent me; yet none of you asks me, `Where are you going?' But because I have said these things to you, sorrow has filled your hearts."

These folks were sad. Of course they were. From the pit of despair on Good Friday and Holy Saturday, they were made alive again in Christ's coming to life again on Easter Sunday. Things were back to where they were supposed to be. Jesus was showing up on occasion, giving them advice and kind words, and they were once again energized by his message of repentance, redemption, and salvation. Little did they know that in a mere 40 more days he'd be on his way out of their lives (physically speaking) again. They must have thought that surely this time Jesus would lead them in a revolution. He had to succumb to the powers that be, but he came back to show them who was in charge. It makes perfect sense; a lot more sense than a 40 day encore only to leave them seemingly empty handed again. Sorrow filled their hearts because of what they thought it meant for them that he was again leaving. No one bothered to ask what they should do if/when he left again; he WAS NOT going to leave them again, damn it.

In the end, he had to leave them. They were as ready as they could be to take on this follower of Jesus thing on their own. He'd send help, no doubt, but they had to do this strange thing on their own for a while. Those brain trusts who made up the lectionary don't give us the disciples reaction, but I'll tell you, they don't get it. They still think he's going to do something more here on earth. But as Jesus will soon tell them, "Very truly, I tell you, you will weep and mourn, but the world will rejoice; you will have pain, but your pain will turn into joy."

I think it may be true that Christianity is the only major religion with a living, breathing leader/founder/guru/god, but what's more exciting is that this living, breathing guy knew when it was time to get out of the way and let his followers do the work, live the life, stumble, be redeemed, and ultimately turn all their pain into joy.

back at it

I know its been a while. It has, in fact, been too long. For that I am sorry. Not so much sorry to you, the reader, but sorry to me, the writer, for having fallen out of habit and fallen out of this intentional time in prayer and word. However, I have to note that this time has been different. Its not like things have been perfect and I've fallen into the old pattern of relying on myself and forgetting about God and all of His blessings. No, this time it is different. This time, I've still been keenly aware of God; even spending time in prayer (unlike it was so often in the olden days). This time I've just fallen out of this practice. Still, I'm sorry to have fallen away. I have missed the intentional nature of it. I have missed the time in the Word. I have really, really missed it.

So it is good to be back. It is great to be back. And what better week to return to a practice of spending time meeting God in the Word by the power of the Spirit than Trinity Sunday. This practice is a microcosm of a life lived in Trinitarian belief. One practice, three ends. One God, three persons.

In the lesson from John we see the Word of God incarnate in Jesus preparing to leave again. Jesus is about to return to the right hand of God the Father; to be fully reunited in the Trinity. Instead of leaving his followers to their own devices, Jesus, with the promise of God the Father, will send an Advocate, God the Holy Spirit to keep them company, to guide them in the will of the Father, to keep them in touch with the perfect will of the one God; Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

I love this passage. It is a perfect image of this weird and wacky faith we have. This Trinitarian thing is strange, but it is beautiful. It makes no sense, but it is perfect. The only way I can even try to believe this thing is to read the Word with the aid of the Advocate to discern the will and understanding of the Father. It is brought to light here in John 16 better than any theologian could attempt.

I am once again reminded of the benefits of this practice. I am happy to be back to this place where theology is made perfect; not by my words (hell no), but in the Word, with the Advocate, and the Father.

A woman was at work when she received a phone call that her small daughter
was very sick with a fever.

She left her work and stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication.

She got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys in the car.
She didn't know what to do, so she called home and told the baby sitter what
had happened.

The baby sitter told her that the fever was getting worse. She said, "You
might find a coat hanger and use that to open the door."

The woman looked around and found an old rusty coat hanger that had been
left on the ground, possibly by someone else who at some time had locked
their keys in their car.

She looked at the hanger and said, "I don't know how to use this"

She bowed her head and asked God to send her help. Within five minutes a
beat up old motorcycle pulled up, with a dirty, greasy, bearded man who was
wearing an old biker skull rag on his head.

The woman thought, "This is what you sent to help me?"

But, she was desperate, so she was also very thankful.

The man got off of his cycle and asked if he could help.

She said, "Yes, my daughter is very sick. I stopped to get her some
medication and I locked my keys in my car. I must get home to her. Please,
can you use this hanger to unlock my car?

He said, "Sure." He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute the
car was opened.

She hugged the man and through her tears

she said, "Thank You So Much! You are a very nice man."

The man replied, "Lady, I am not a nice man. I just got out of prison today.
I was in prison for car theft and have only been out for about an hour."

The woman hugged the man again and with sobbing tears cried out loud,

"Oh, Thank you God!

You've sent me a Professional!"

God sent a professional. There are a lot of messages here in this little story. We have prayer. We have a story about God meeting needs. We have the very practical instruction that one should not lock their keys in the car. For the cynics there is the underlying difficulty in accepting that there just happened to be a coat hanger in the parking lot. In fact there might be many more interpretations out there. We all do not hear the same thing. A humerous joke about what we hear and how it can be so different from others is the following.

A doctor decided to give a talk about the effect of alcohol on the digestive system. To demonstrate he took out some 100 proof vodka and a common garden worm. He placed the worm in the vodka and the worm quickly disolved. The doctor asked the audience. "Now what does that teach you?" A medical student in the front got up and began explaining how alchohol eats away at the intestines. A drunk in the back of the room gets up and interupts the medical student..."no, no, no (hic) thats not it. What that demonstrates doctor is that if you drink enough good alcohol you won't get worms"

We all do not perceive the same thing. There is more to the story. Through the eyes of faith things are not always what they appear. In Christ our greatest sins can become strength...foolishness can become wisdom.

So the emphasis I would like to focus on this morning is the Professional... the biker. In this story he is like the the fearsome angels of the Bible who bring deliverence. In this simple story the mans greatest defect and sin is transformed and becomes grace. In this simple story he is the definition of a saint. He brings his whole being to the task. The mother perceives correctly. It is not only the man who acts in this story but God. In his honest transparency so much more can be seen. What is brought to light becomes light.

A few weeks back I had a thought.

Yes, I know some of you may find that statement miraculous but it is true. It was during one of the services that sunlight was playing outside of the stained glass windows. As the light intensified the glass intensified. The figures became more full. While each figure in the stained glass became brighter their individual shapes and features became more distinct. They became in that moment, as the son backlit the stained glass, quite literally, agents of the light. The light did not destroy or overpower who and what they were. Yet it was evident. Something other than just the glass could be percieved. It is the transparency of the glass that better allows for the sun to be seen. It takes perception to acknowledge that the glass is not acting alone. For without light nothing could be seen.

In the book of Ephesians there is a line that is quite simply, devestating. It is in its implication one of the most profound beautys of the bible. It suggests that there is absolutely nothing that we can do that can stand in the way of God's Grace. It suggests that reconciliation is possible. It supports the understanding that Christ was crucified to attone the sins of all. It can even lead us to understand that as agents of God's Creation we can play a part in God's redemption. As Church we are a unique community established by God to do just that.

In Ephesians 5 it says, "For once you were darkness, but now in the Lord you are light. Live as children of light- for in the fruit of the light is found in all that is good and right and true. Try to find out what is pleasing to the lord. Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them...but everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for everything that becomes visible is light"

The darkness exposed to light becomes light! Darkness can not overcome light. The light does not simply expose but transform.

But if the windows teach us anything, we are not to become something other than we are but allow God to transform all that we are to good.

Are there parts of you you would rather not think about? Have there been situations where you have hurt others? Are there areas in your life you need to bring to God? This is not about works but remaining open to transformation. For Ephesians suggests that all is open to transformation. Our greatest sins, our biggest difficulties, the infidelities and wacked out schemes and plans can all become light if exposed to the light. Our deeds which used to keep us in fear if found out, can be transformed by Christ to become our assets. Our bondage can become our liberation.

And I think that is why I like the saints. I like the saints not because of what they accomplished but from where they came from. They often are a motley crew of rougues and nardowells. They personally may not like me saying so but I think recognizing their humanity, it is the point. Did not the religious leaders of Jesus day condemn him for hanging out with a rough crowd? And what does he say? A doctor goes to the sick. How much more does God shine through the man or woman who was thought to be a lost cause? The Christian faith is not about pulling ones self up by owns own bootstraps...It is about allowing Christ to carry us.

We have Paul, the righteous Jew convinced that the Christians were committing blasphemy, who through transformation goes to the end of the earth proclaiming the gospel.

We have Peter, the bumbling fisherman whe swears up and down he will be faithful who rejects Christ and then, in spite of his lack of loyalty, is chosen to lead the church.

We have Augustine of Hippo, a man convinced in his youth he will figure it all out. Augustine the same man who can't stop having affairs with woman is transformed into an agent of fidelity...his witness and work helps the church survive when the rest of society was breaking apart.

The saints are all around us. In coming to the light they become light revealing that this Christian faith of ours is true.

The point here is not to compare our life with theirs but identify. Can we too be willing to allow our darkest dark become our greatest light?

They do not save us because of what they accomplished but that their transformation can be our own. We to are invited to become the people that we are called to become. The question becomes will we allow it? Will we allow the light to better transform our lives? Will we become evidence for others that this life does mean something? Will we be witnessess to the light so that others may come to see?

As I look out at this moment I can begin to truly see. I begin to perceive the truth. I can begin to see the light, not streaming through the windows but coming from these very pews. As you become who you were called to be, as you seek repentence for sin, as you love your neighbor, as you reach out of this strong house to bring this gospel message, I begin to see the SON! LOOK! Look around you!

Look at the light around you. I see it in my brother and sister. It is there...there... and there...

Surely there is a God who reigns down light.

Shine well....Shine well

a tough passage

The Old Testament option for Easter 4 is a toughy. Moses, who God kept alive by the deception of an Egyptian princess. Moses, the man who was chosen by God at the burning bush. Moses, the man who fought with Pharaoh. Moses, who brought God's chosen people out of bondage, hears what I can only assume is a bitter and devastating word; he will not enter into the promised land that is just over the next mountain.

As we all struggle with the deep frailty of humanity and strain to see where God might be in the midst of tragedy it is really hard for me to read this passage from Numbers. I want my God to be warm and fuzzy. I want my God to do things my way. I want Moses to see the land of milk and honey just like I want a world without evil. Yet that's not the way things go. God's justice is beyond human comprehension. The Promised Land of Canaan is but a boil in comparison to the glory of the heavenly domain of God. People are subject to all sorts of illness; physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. These illness cause pain, this pain causes depression and anger, this anger can lead to unspeakable acts against other human beings and we don't know why; we can't fathom why. So, like Moses, we offer prayer. Moses wanted a leader for the people because he knew left to their own devices they'd surely be destroyed. We too pray for a leader, for God, to hold tight families torn by violence. We pray for God, our leader, to heal the injured. We pray for God, our leader, to deal with justice and mercy to the perpetrators of these awful acts just as we pray that he'd deal justly and with mercy with us.

Its tough to wrap my mind around God. Hell, its impossible. Which makes it clear to me that I can't offer answers to these tough questions of life. All I can do is offer prayer and a listening ear when these situations arise. Anything else would be presumptuous. Anything else would be to take the place of God in the world, and that need not be done thanks to the risen Lord, Jesus Christ our savior and redeemer.

to hear the voice of the LORD

Over the years I have been called by many labels; conservative, liberal, angry, sunshiny, sarcastic, presbyterian, and on, and on. Aside from the ridiculous label I have fixed upon myself, my favorite label used to describe me is charismatic. I don't like it because it means people will like me and find me personable. Instead I like it because it means that I have the Spirit within me.

Of all the possible gifts of he Spirit, the charism I wish I had a little better grasp on was discernment. I wish, like the collect for Easter 4 says, "that when we hear his voice we may know him who calls us each by name, and follow where he leads." But I don't. Its hard to know who's voice I hear. Is it my own will? Is it my desire to be comfortable? Is it the devil whispering over my shoulder? Or is it actually the will of God?

Discernment is a Spiritual gift that I seek in others. If I'm going to fail at discernment, I better have someone near by who can smack me across the back of the head and shout, "listen up!" Otherwise, I'm apt to go astray, to follow too much the devices and desires of my own heart, to turn my back on God.

As Christians, we naturally count ourselves among the disciples of Jesus. In so doing, we make a claim that we, as Jesus' sheep "hear his voice. He knows us, and we follow him." Oh if it were only that easy.

i'm no saul

But I do get a good chuckle out of the story of his conversion; it reminds me of my own call to ordained ministry. Well it mostly reminds me of how funny it is; how ridiculous it is that God might choose me to do this very important work. It makes me feel happy. It makes me feel special. It also makes me very nervous, as I, like Saul, have many, many qualities that make me an undesirable candidate. There have no doubt been people like Ananias who have come into contact with me and left thinking, "oh dear God no."

It just goes to show how transformative a personal relationship with God through Jesus Christ can be. Sure, Saul was an angry fellow doing dirty work, but BAM! he met Jesus on the road to Damascus and was utterly changed. Sure I am a bit contemptuous from time to time, but God is working in my heart to change me. God changed Saul into the great missionary to the Gentiles, Paul. God changed me from a shy and bitter high schooler into a confident and moderately optimistic seminarian. God changes people, and it is awesome.

one hungry lord and savior

One of the priests at my Field Ed site is also a chaplain at a local rehab hospital. She helps out on Sundays and does some pastoral care work here and there, but her main job is elsewhere as a chaplain. We were chatting before the 2nd Easter service this weekend about our respective Easter plans when she noted, "I have to preach at 1 at the hospital's service. One thing I noticed this year more than any other is the fact that the stone is rolled away. Its interesting what a big deal we make of the stone being rolled away. Wouldn't it be neater if the stone was not rolled away and Jesus was still gone?"

"Woooo," I thought, "that is something I've never thought much about either." Then I thought about the various post-resurrection/pre-ascension appearances. Jesus walks through locked doors, vanishes into thin air, appears out of nowhere, but he also eats, drinks, talks, and walked out of the tomb by way of the stone being rolled away.

It is with this conversation in mind that I arrived at the readings for 3 Easter. What a cool set of texts with one of the greatest Lectionary collects of all time attached. Paul's conversion, God's promise of restoration to Jeremiah, the Song of the Lamb in Revelation, and another awesome fish catch. All stories of misunderstanding what God is doing. All stories where God once again has to adjust our vision. All stories where the blind are made able to see; spiritually and physically.

What struck me today, however, was on the heels of that Easter discussion, just how powerful a thing it was to eat with Jesus in his resurrected state. Jesus was not a ghost haunting a group of depressed men and women; the work of their collective unconscious to rid themselves of fear and shame. Rather, Jesus was alive. Jesus is alive. He walked out of the tomb after the stone had been rolled away, and he feels compelled to eat with his disciples over and over again. The risen Jesus is one hungry lord and savior. Hungry for food, yes, but more so for the relationship that a meal together represents. To eat with Jesus is to a) accept his bodily resurrection and b) to join him in relationship.

While we no longer have the ability to eat with Jesus, we have plenty of chances to partake of him, and perhaps even better we have the opportunity to share a meal with the "least of these" which is, in effect, eating with the risen Jesus. In doing so, we can affirm what his disciples did so many years ago, He is risen indeed!

a special place in my heart

exists for ol' Thomas. Having grown up in a church named for him, and weeing in the stained glass and other artwork depictions of St. Thomas on his knees reaching into Jesus' side, I can't help but feel an affinity for him. He wanted what all the rest of us want, to see Jesus face-to-face. Its not that he didn't want to believe his friends, but rather he too wanted to experience the joy that came from seeing his rabbi, who was dead, among the living.

I'm not sure we can blame him for that. I think calling him "doubting Thomas" takes something away from the fact that we are all subject to doubt once-in-a-while. We all have questions be they about points of doctrine; the virgin birth, Creation, the filioque, the Trinity clause or otherwise; human sexuality, authority of bishops, vestments, whatever. It is ok to ask questions. It is ok to doubt. It is ok to struggle. Thomas is not chastised for his wanting to see and touch Jesus, but rather Jesus expresses the will of God, that we might believe without seeing. Its not that God doesn't want us to come to faith intellectually, but God wants trust, God wants faith, God wants relationship. A relationship is hard to sustain when one said is constantly doubting the other. Yet a relationship with God withstands all doubt and all testing. So Thomas wanted to see Jesus. I too would find this whole thing a lot easier if I got to touch Jesus' hands and side, but alas, that is not my lot in life. Instead, I'll question and I'll doubt from time to time, but I take solace in the blessing that comes from not seeing but believing.

the evolution of faith

Three portions of the Lectionary for Easter 2 struck me today.

1) When it was evening on that day, the first day of the week, and the doors of the house where the disciples had met were locked for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you."

2) The high priest questioned them, saying, "We gave you strict orders not to teach in this name, yet here you have filled Jerusalem with your teaching and you are determined to bring this man's blood on us" But Peter and the apostles answered, "We must obey God rather than any human authority."

3) Almighty and everlasting God, who in the Paschal mystery established the new covenant of reconciliation: Grant that all who have been reborn into the fellowship of Christ's Body may show forth in their lives what they profess by their faith; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.

The Apostles, still unsure what to believe in John 20 have locked themselves in a room, fearful of those who killed their rabbi and friend. By Acts 5 they are so sure of their faith that they choose to obey God over the threat of punishment. What made them so confident? Faith! Like the Collect of Easter 2 says, they "showed forth in their lives what they professed by their faith." These men and women moved from fear to action in mere minutes through the power of Jesus Christ. What keeps us from action? What fears hold us at bay? Only Christ Jesus will move us to a life lived by faith.

Grant us so to die daily to sin

I really think that one of the bits of truth that our Baptist brothers and sisters retain in their tradition is that of baptism by full immersion. Baptism is a radical event; one in which we join Christ in the tomb in death and are resurrected to new life with him. I can picture this as a baptismal candidate is laid back and fully immersed under water (death) then regains their footing and arise from the watery grave to new life (resurrection). I have a harder time seeing the radicalness of it when we splash the top of their head with three tiny scoops of water. Where is the death without which there is no resurrection?

What really struck me among the myriad options for a principal Easter service is that first collect:

O God, who for our redemption gave your only-begotten Son to the death of the cross, and by his glorious resurrection delivered us from the power of our enemy: Grant us so to die daily to sin, that we may evermore live with him in the joy of his resurrection; through Jesus Christ your Son our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen.

Our death to sin and resurrection to new life does not happen once and for all at our baptism. It seems that it instead needs to be a daily occurrence. Each day we are called upon to choose life by recalling our baptism, recalling that moment in which our old self died, choosing again to die so that we might join Jesus in his resurrection. Without this key step, without dying daily to sin, it is so easy to forget that without death there is no resurrection. Without this key step it is easy to live a life of triumphalism and forget that we are indeed sinners in every meaning of the word. Without this key step we lose our need for Jesus, for we are redeemed in our own perfection.

I don't remember my baptism; I was too young. I can assume that I wasn't dunked at 6 months at a Catholic Church. But I will remember the image of full immersion this day as I strive to die to sin so that I might join with Christ in the joy of his resurrection.

Easter is for Everyone

I don't title my sermons. I'm not sure why. Its not that I'm opposed to titling sermons, I just don't do it with mine. I am, however, playing with the idea of titling my Easter Vigil sermon, "Easter is for Everyone." What'da think? My reason for this is that prayer I got so jazzed about a few months ago; the one that ends the readings of the Vigil service.

O God of unchangeable power and eternal light: Look
favorably on your whole Church, that wonderful and sacred
mystery; by the effectual working of your providence, carry
out in tranquillity the plan of salvation; let the whole world
see and know that things which were cast down are being
raised up, and things which had grown old are being made
new, and that all things are being brought to their perfection
by him through whom all things were made, your Son Jesus
Christ our Lord. Amen.

This prayer, with its focus on the whole Church, seems apt to me for Easter morning, as the battered and broken body of Christ is resurrected, holes and all, for the sake of all humanity. But my Easter Vigil sermon has nothing to do with the readings for the primary services on Easter Day. Still, the sermon title holds, "Then Peter began to speak to them: 'I truly understand that God shows no partiality, but in every nation anyone who fears him and does what is right is acceptable to him.'"

Peter's realization that God is doing a new thing outside of the bonds of Peter's original understanding is essentially an realization that Easter is for Everyone. The work done on the cross, in the tomb, and ultimately in the resurrection is a work done so that "all might come within the reach of God's saving embrace."

Easter is for everyone, yet so many don't know that Easter is for them. That is why I want to title my sermon this one time. I want it to say in big letters somewhere (oh how I wish we had a marquee this one time) that Easter is for Everyone.

He is not here, but he has risen

Quite possibly the greatest sentence in all of human history is spoken by the Angels of the Lord in Luke's account of that first Easter morning. "He is not here, but he has risen." If I remember correctly, there is no punctuation in Koine Greek, so this could easily read, "He is not here. But he has RISEN!"

Lent has been quite a journey for me. On Shrove Tuesday my bishop came for a visit and two days later I was free to interview for jobs outside of the diocese. Lent has truly been a time in the wilderness. I haven't slept well. I think I have an ulcer. "Pray without ceasing" is my life whether I like it or not. I've been tempted by jobs. I've been reminded that this is a job search no matter how theologically flowery we are with our language. Its been a long Lent.

By the time Easter rolls around, I still won't know. As of now, my final job interview is scheduled for April 19th and then Holy Saturday begins. Cassie and I will then be in the place of the disciples on that crushing day, "what do we do now?" Though for us it will be very different. We have the words of Luke to sustain us, "He is not here, but he has risen!"

No matter how long our Lent lasts, no matter how disconcerting our Holy Saturday is, we know the promise of Easter; that Easter came once and for all. That is comforting as Lent drags on.

why do you look for the living among the dead?

This was a very interesting question when it was asked by the angels of the Lord to the women. It continues to be an interesting question for me today. Just as the women came to the tomb expecting to find Jesus, I often find myself searching for Jesus in old, dead places. The folks over at emergent have a wonderful way of talking about the gospel as coming to life in a community of believers. While for so many the ancient words of the scriptures are the land of the dead; old idioms which make no sense in our current context. But what if we, as followers of the way of Jesus, were to live in such a way that those ancient words were brought to life by example in our words and deeds?

Those of you who know me, know that I won't accept this life of living gospel to be only one of social justice and acceptance. What if the radical nature of the gospel wasn't encapsulated in the 1960s. What if there was something before "the way its always been began" in 1890? What if we were able to reconnect with the old, the ancient; and not the dead? You see, the Church has killed the gospel. Whether fundamentalist or liberal mainline, we kill it in the same way; legalism - or better said, the ability to tell in another the validity of their faith. We kill the gospel by using angry words to define others, while outsiders, nonbelievers look on and scoff at our hypocracy. Seekers come to our churches expecting to find life, and instead find themselves at an open coffin wake. They are able to see glimpses of the life we once had, but inevitably are struck by the mourning by some, and worse yet, those who continue to beat on the corpse though she has long since died.

This isn't a happy Easter post, and for that I'm sorry. But there is hope here. "If anyone is in Christ there is a new creation." As followers of the way of Jesus we can choose today to be a new creation; to be restored; to move from the place of the dead to the way of the living God. We can bring those ancient words of God's grace to life in our living. We can be a city upon a hill, a light to the nations, salt to the world. We have to want to live. We have to stop looking for the living Jesus among the dead, and seek the abundant life that comes as we join him in bringing the gospel to life day by day.

those wicked tenants

I wrote an exegesis paper (for the 99% of normal people who don't know what that means, go here) on Mark's version of the Parable of the Wicked Tenants. Let me tell you, they were some wicked folk. What is striking in both versions (its in Matthew also, but I'm not as familiar with that text) is just how foolish the landowner looks. In Mark, Jesus explains the allegorical interpretation of the parable with God playing the role of the landowner. God sets up a perfect vineyard so that all the tenants have to do is work the land and harvest the crop. God sends one servant, then another, and another, (in Mark he sends many more), and finally sends his only son; "surely they will respect him." But they don't. They kill the son in the hopes of having the vineyard to themselves. God looks like such a fool in this parable. Sending people over and over and over again to a group of hard-hearted tenants who want nothing more than material things.

Oh, wait, that's what God has done in salvation history. God sent prophet after prophet calling the people to repent (to turn around) and follow the will of God. Then, when that didn't work, he sent his only Son, God incarnate, to call the people back. And he was killed for power and prestige. Still today we can hear the voice of God calling us away from our lives enslaved to sin, and we ignore, we rationalize, we church-hop. God is foolish, but God's will is perfect wisdom. God knows that without him we are doomed to failure and God, who in the trinity is perfect relationship, eagerly desires relationship with us. And so he tries over and over and over again. We fill our lives with sex, with drugs, with material things, all in an attempt to drown God out, but as is the case in the parable, God will keep trying over and over and over again. Thanks be to God for his foolishness.

so very thirsty

Psalm 32:3

While I held my tongue, my bones withered away, *
because of my groaning all day long.

4

For your hand was heavy upon me day and night; *
my moisture was dried up as in the heat of summer.

5

Then I acknowledged my sin to you, *
and did not conceal my guilt.

6

I said," I will confess my transgressions to the LORD." *
Then you forgave me the guilt of my sin.

As one comes to a crossroads in life, it isn't uncommon to look back on the years and reflect. I have found myself doing that as SMW (I've decided to use the blogger thing and not refer to my wife by her name anymore, but rather an ancronym. She will heretofore be known as Smokin' Hot Wife, a name she will hate, but meh, she doesn't read this anyway)... as SMW and I prepare to leave Alexandria to find a new home and a new ministry.

Reading the Psalm for Lent 4c gave me pause today as I was forced to look back at the peaks and valleys of my spiritual life over the years. I have spent many a year feeling like the Psalmist, "withering away" and "dried up as in heat in summer." The spiritual life is one that is often hard to attend to. It is usually the first thing to go away when the calendar crunches and time seems to grow short. It is usually the first thing to go away when things are going smoothly. In some cases, it may even go away when times get tough. The spiritual life takes time and energy and often feels like it is a waste, there is no tangible results to show. This is a pitfall for many in ministry; the demands of a parish are such that they don't want to pay you to take care of your spiritual life, they pay you to take care of them.

The Psalm, however is clear. Without prayer comes death. With prayer comes life. It is something that requires intention and a clarity of purpose, but it is something that none of us can afford to forget.

ah the prodigal son

Such a rich passage. It seems like it is always right on the preaching horizon; something that must always be reckoned with. As a kid in Sunday School we always talked about the repentance of the younger son or the mercy of the Father, but more and more these days, I hear people talking about the hard heart of the elder son.

I guess it is because we don't like untidy endings to things that we teach our kids only part of the story. But it seems appropriate to be uncomfortable from time to time. I am uncomfortable with the elder son because I see a lot of me in him. I want to define the terms of just about everything, and often I end up bitter because life has not worked out according to my plans. "I have worked so hard, why does x get such and such?" It is a commonality to humanity, I believe, one that Jesus was keenly aware of as he told this parable. Be it the scribes and pharisees looking down on the sinners and tax collectors or Jesus' own disciples arguing over the seats at his right and left hand, we all have our expectations. We all assume God's will, God's justice is as we define it. What is so very clear in this parable, however, is that God's will and God's justice are God's and God's alone. We can work to bring our will close to that of the Father, but it is only by grace that we are made whole, perfected in the will of the Father. 'Til then, I'll be with you all, fighting for my method of justice to be lived out, sometimes pouting outside of the party because things didn't go my way. If you see me there, remind me of this story, and invite me to turn around and receive the grace that God gives all those who truly turn to him.

my first memorized bible verse

Came from the epistle for Lent 4c. "If anyone is in Christ, there is a new creation: everything old has passed away; see, everything has become new!" It was a part of the InterVarsity (I think) bible memorization series. My Young Life leader gave it to me, and I really wanted to learn the verses. "The only way to have scripture on your heart is to memorize it." Yeah, I let him down, though he was an amazing accountability partner. Anyway, I've found a new way to place scripture on my heart (see nearly all previous blog posts).

Still, I really like this verse. It is still sort of a mantra for me as I work as a radical centrist on a ministry of reconciliation within the church. We are all new creations, each being made new every minute by the sanctification of the Holy Spirit. Paul doesn't say we are made perfect, just new. We are still sinners; personally and corporately. As new creations, constantly being made new, we should see the sin being removed within our self as we, in humility, call our brothers and sisters to accountability for their transgressions. To do so, requires that we remain in conversation. To be new creations, one with another, learning from what the Spirit is doing in our brother and sister that might help us along our journey; personally and corporately, so that we once again might be made new in Christ.

repentance

The Youth Director at my field education site is the bomb. A computer guru by day, the man is a brilliant theologian able to speak the language of the busy, hyperstressed teenagers of the Washington Metropolitan area. He synthesizes things in a way that brings things to life for these kids (and for me and my wife) in really neat ways. Last night, another such moment happened as his lenten small group talked about sin.

"The simple definition of sin is anything that takes us away from God." CLICK! For my wife, 26 years of living as a Christian finally made sense. The man made definitions of sin we so often use; lying, cheating, playing cards, drinking, dancing, whatever, are a false construction - sin is anything that takes us away from God. Jesus is he who brings us back into right relationship with God.

We talked about this a lot last night and came up with an image for Jesus. Jesus calls us to repent of our sins (see Lent 3c). The literal translation of the Hebrew word for repent is "to turn around". So we imagined Jesus standing behind us tapping us on the shoulder. In order to speak with him we must turn around. Having done so, Jesus can so easily ask us to join him in a different way. "I know you want to go about this in your own way, but what if we tried this way, I promise it will prove beneficial."

I'm excited that Cassie finally had it all click. It proves the benefit of having a great diversity in the body of Christ. No one previously, myself included, had articulated the act of repentance in a way that Cassie was comfortable with. She could understand what they were saying, but it never really spoke to her. Pastors, parents, friends, family, husbands, fellow church-goers; no one spoke her language, until last night.

Lent 3c = GOE Set 5

And I don't like it.

Set 5, if you will recall, was the Theory and Practice of Ministry section with the 32 year-old hospice patient wondering if she had enough faith. The stories of destruction in 1 Corinthians and Luke's gospel are eerily familiar. What is the cause of calamity on earth. Why do bad things happen?

I know these are questions I'm going to have to answer. I know, however, that these are questions that I am struggling with presently. These are questions, which much like my answer to the cancer patient, I'm not 100% happy with. I don't like Paul's answer; that the people of Moses' generation were an example. I don't really like Jesus' answer; that you must repent or perish because it sounds like a) if I repent I won't parish and b) death is punishment for specific actions.

I know that the wages of sin is death. I know that death wasn't in the plan from the get-go. But I guess, I'm more of the mind that death is the result of Sin; that corporate entity that is inherent in all human systems since the fall rather than sins; those things which "from time to time we most grievously have committed." Still, this all sounds like my answer to the woman in tears, which my GOE readers most certainly didn't like. Maybe I'll have to change the answer I give others, but for me, this is what works.

I have trust issues

I know in my heart that God's will for me is perfect. I know in my heart that God will protect me. I know in my heart that the Holy Spirit, alive within me, works every minute to bring my will to perfection in the Father's will. Yet, in my head, sometimes, it is just so hard to trust.

Moses, too, had trust issues. His calling involved a bush that burned but was not consumed, how much more clarity does one need that God is at work? Anyway, Moses' call story is, for me, the quintessential call narrative. I used it last year for a Christian Ed Administration paper on the calling of volunteer leaders. It just seems the perfect example of God being God and humans being humans.

Moses, who clearly has a job, has his life completely changed by his curiosity. To return to Egypt is to take his life into his own hands. To walk up to Pharaoh and ask for the Israelites to be released is lunacy. Imagine having to share this calling with the people you are called to free? Yet, God is faithful. God responds to every one of Moses' trust issues with a word of grace.

"Who am I..." Moses says. "I will be with you..." God responds. (I have to note here the way in which I feel much like Moses. Do you see what an arrogant response Moses gives? God has just given Moses a task. God is speaking directly to Moses. God people, God. And what is Moses' first thought. "I don't have the ability to do this." It is all about him, and in no way about God. This is so true with my trust issues surrounding a job - but enough of an aside).

"Ok, but what about the Israelites?" Moses responds again. "Tell them I AM sent you." God has a plan, God knows of its wisdom, Moses isn't so sure, and God motivates. It is a cycle that happens over and over again in human history. A cycle that happens over and over again in my life. I forget that God's plan is perfect with or without me. I forget that the goal of life is perfection of the will. I forget these things and tell God that I know what's best. Like Moses I want to keep it safe and easy, but God, being God, will have none of it. God, being God, is worthy of trust, in heart and mind.