where am i

Because I preached three times yesterday I took it upon myself (actually Cassie commanded me) to sleep in this morning. So I got up at about 830 and prepared for spiritual direction. That being said, I didn't have time to spend my usual time in Scripture this morning. So now I'm sitting in Scott Lounge with Mitch and Ari as we each pretend to do the work we came to do. Mostly we sit in silence for a minute or two, then somebody cracks a joke, we laugh, then we return our attention (sort of) to our work.

I've decided its really hard to spend time with God in prayer in a situation like this, but I continue to sit here with the readings and typing on this blog anyway. There are two reasons for this. One, I'm a sucker for community. I seek out people like its my job. I hate sitting by myself when I know people are around.

The other reason is its Advent. Its a time of waiting and a time of darkness. A time that is very uncomfortable to me. I'm not good at uncertainty. I like things to be within the plan. I like things to tick off on my to-do list. I don't like "distress among nations confused by the roaring of the sea and the waves." There is no mention of what the signs will be in Luke 21, but just that there will be signs. I don't like this uncertainty. I just don't like it.

So, I guess this is the main reason I'm avoiding doing real work. As I sit on the cusp of GOEs, job searching, and am having a real family crisis with my mom's yet undiagnosed illness, I'm really struggling with with uncertainty. Spiritual direction today helped me understand this struggle, and opened my eyes to this month of uncertainty and darkness that is about to be upon us. I guess I'll be forced to come to terms with these themes over the next month, but for today, I'm procrastinating. Today I'm not dealing with it. Today, I'm laughing with friends.