O LORD God, how am I to know...

Abram asks God the question. At least for me, right now, it is the question. How am I to know that 3 years of seminary wasn't a waste? How am I to know that a call will line up in the next few weeks? How am I to know that "playing the game" is the right/wrong thing to do. How am I to know? Clearly, the Bishop didn't have all the answers I was looking for, and clearly I need to be patient, but most clearly is I'm struggling with that.

I sorta feel like ol' Abram. God and I have an agreement; God called and Cassie and I followed all the way to Alexandria. Now, God is supposed to provide a sweet ass call in the diocese, and it just isn't happening in the right time. Like Abram, I want to remind God of our agreement, as if he doesn't remember. Like Abram, I want to fix things such that they work in my timing, as if God has gone on vacation. Like Abram, I'm wrong to do so.

It is just so difficult to wait upon God, especially when God uses people to work out his plan. It feels a lot less like I'm waiting on God and a lot more like I'm waiting on the diocese or the bishop or the possible churches, and that, for me, is the hardest part. Its not like this is new for me. When I moved to GC to be with my fiance (now wife), I went for weeks without even a nibble on the job front. Ultimately I took a job waiting tables and could barely pay the bills. I was struggling then too.

My experience says that God will provide in due time. However, it is difficult to draw on experience in situations like this. O LORD God, how am I to know that you will once again provide for this impatient sinful creature? How am I to know...