I forget yet I can remember

When the LORD restored the fortunes of Zion, *
then were we like those who dream.
Then was our mouth filled with laughter, *
and our tongue with shouts of joy.
Then they said among the nations, *
"The LORD has done great things for them.

How good is the psalm? It is very good indeed. We were like those who dream. (I think of the sons and daughters mentioned in the New Testament who dream dreams)Our mouth filled with laughter....our tongue...shouts of joy. I'm tempted to write about how little I see this amongst my bretheren. But to admit that, would also be to write how little this represents me. Not that I'm dour, just that I have not on a continual basis always recognize how Jesus has restored the fortunes of Zion...giving us every reason to dream and laugh with joy. I forget that his very life, death, and resurrection restores my fortunes and when I remember, can restore my fortunes in the here and now.

For Truly the Lord has done great things for (us) me. The trouble is I have a built in forget-ter. I forget the great things. I even go so far as to see what God has done for me and think it common place or ordinary. I forget where I come from.

I forget that cold, dark, wet night 11 years ago in October. I was drunk and miserable and angry at God. I stumbled around Longmeadow in tears...lost because I could not get God. The truth was how could I allow God in when I was too busy making all the decisions. BAM! three weeks later I end up in AA. A year later I am still sober and have a God of my own understanding. Three years after that I am a Christian. I Get it and I don't fight it. Jesus of Nazareth is the One who they believed he was. I got there because I simply began living like it was so...I got of f the debating society.

But I forget. I forget that I was on a blind date and fell in love with my wife. I forget that this is a woman of great beauty and laughter when I focus on the way I allow her to push my buttons. I forget that she willingly sold her house, packed her things and left her mother to come to a strange country...seminary.

I forget and even forget that I am not alone. Even the greats like Paul admit "I do what I don't want and don't do what I am to do." (paraphrase) I do become engrossed with outcomes and worry too much about jobs. I don't take the time to pray or recognize the astounding fact that I am healthy, married to a beautiful wife, have three intelligent, healthy children, there is food on my plate and gas in my car.....A CAR THAT CAME FREE!!!!!! (Did I say I forget stuff...up till this moment I forgot about that)

But into my mouth has come laughter. My heart has warmed in the recognition. There is joy here in this moment. In recognition of Christ in this moment my hope is restored.

It was always there...I just had forgotten.